This picture makes me laugh because this is the position that was Maddie's favorite for some reason. I would always tell her it was not very ladylike. :)

The last picture I took of Maddie...under the Christmas tree last week.

MY SWEET MADDIE

Today is a very sad day for me and I think blogging about it might help me a little bit. At 3PM today, I had to say goodbye to my companion and best friend of the last 7.5 years--my cat Maddie. Last week before I left for a three day work trip, I noticed she seemed to be breathing a little faster but didn't think much of it. When I got home on Thursday night, I thought it was even faster so I made an appointment to see a vet on Friday morning. After some xrays, they found out her chest cavity was filled with fluid and her lungs were pressed in the back of her chest which was making it hard for her to breathe. They drained as much fluid as they could and sent it off to a lab for results on Monday. I took her home with some meds and was told to watch her over the weekend. Her behavior didn't really change...she was still hungry, thirsty and very affectionate so I was hopeful she was going to be okay. On Monday morning, the vet called to tell me the condition did not look good and I should go see an internal medicine vet who is more of a specialist. I took her up there around 10:30AM and they told me it was one of three things: (1) heart disease (2) lymphoma or (3) chylothorax which is a condition that is hard to treat in a cat. All three are rare conditions in a cat but the most common causes of pleural effusions like Maddie's. They were going to keep her overnight to run some tests and check with the heart first. He called me at 4:30 yesterday afternoon to tell me he didn't need to keep her overnight...her ECG and echo showed severe heart disease. He told me he could give her meds that would keep her around for another 3-6 months but the condition is not curative. I asked him if she would have a good quality of life during that time since my main concern was not to have her suffer and he told me he could not make any guarantees. It was at that time that I knew I had to do what is best for her...I had to let her go. I went to pick her up, I spent all last night just loving on her and telling her how thankful I am to have her in my life, and then today, I had to say goodbye. I took her to the vet and I didn't think I would be able to handle staying in the room with her while they did it....but I will tell you that it was the best thing I could have done. I was able to hold her and keep her calm so she wasn't scared and in the room with strangers when she took her last breathe. I told her I loved her one last time and stayed with her little body for a few minutes after it was over. It was so peaceful and I know she didn't suffer. But I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have not been able to stop crying for more than a few minutes over the last few days.

Maddie was one of a few kittens that came with their mother to my parents' house in early May 2002...she was so tiny. My parents still have her mom but her brother Lewis was killed by a car a couple of years ago. Maddie was my pick all along because she didn't automatically cuddle with you...you had to earn it and something about that made me smile. She came to live with me permanently in January and never left my side again until today. She was my only friend in Memphis when I first moved there...she would sit and listen to me without judgment. She was my comfort when I was really sick and going through chemo. It was always amazing to me how she just knew exactly what I needed when I wasn't feeling well....she would snuggle up against me or sometimes, she would know that I just needed her to sit in the room with me. She let me hold her so many nights when I was be laying on the bathroom floor wanting to die....the funny thing is that she didn't usually like to be held for that long but in those moments, she didn't care. When I would come home from being gone a few days, whether it was vacation or business, she would come running for me to pet her before I could do anything else. :) I will miss the way she loved to sit in the window and stare outside, the way she would meow when she wanted my attention, the way she loved the smell of bleach when I clean the kitchen, and I will especially miss the unconditional love she gave to me every second of everyday without question. I truly believe that God brought her to me during a time when I needed her...how ironic is it that I am finally cancer free and then it became Maddie's time to get sick? I know not everyone is an animal lover and I know that a lot of people don't like cats....but I promise you that the love that these animals can give you is worth more than I can even describe. Thank you, Maddie, for loving me, for being my little buddy, and for coming into my life when you did. I will miss you forever...

This is what was waiting for my dad when he arrived...since he fell into the hot tub last year, they had to take all precautions. :)
My dad posing next to the hot tub in the deck

The lakehouse of Mrs. Baird's (the breadmaker) grandson

Mom, Hayley, Luan and me cooking Thanksgiving lunch

Mom and Luan sitting by the firepit

THANKSGIVING 2009

On Wednesday morning, my sister and I drove to my aunt and uncle's lakehouse on Lake Conroe to spend Thanksgiving. My parents and my brother left from MP about the same time as us but since my mom apparently had to stop at Target to go shopping in Tyler, they didn't get there until about 2 hours after we did. It worked out perfectly because it gave us a chance to make a sign to tape on a life jacket for my dad. If you recall, last year, my dad literally walked into the hot tub on our first night at the house...he says he didn't see it and that it should have been lit much more. I'm telling you, it was hilarious when it happened. Anyway, as soon as he walked in the door this year, we had to show him the life jacket so that he could put it on and wear it at all times during his stay there. :)

After all of us got settled on Wednesday, we just hung out for the rest of the day. My aunt made chicken and dumpling for dinner which were delicious and we all sat outside by the firepit for a long time. My sister brought her Guitar Hero game and we all played that for a while...my mother thinks she is good and it is highly entertaining to watch her try to figure out that she can't just dance her way to winning the game. She literally bounces up and down while she has the guitar and most of the time, she misses the buttons. I am not that great at the game myself but I think it is pretty fun. My aunt and cousin went to Walmart earlier in the day to get a karyoke game for the Wii since we thought it would be fun to watch family members attempt to sing. My sister and cousin hogged the game most of the time and I was just fine with that.

Thursday morning, I got up early to go jogging...I did NOT want to go but told myself I could have the rest of the weekend off if I could just make it 30 minutes. Ugh. Then, I came back to shower and get ready to help my mom and aunt finish up the cooking. Most of the big stuff was done the day before...I made a few pies at home to bring with me, my mom made the dressing, my aunt made the casseroles, and we bought Honey Baked Ham and Turkey. All we had to do was bake everything...and I had to make the deviled eggs. I ate entirely too much and probably gained at least 5 pounds....and it was worth every single calorie. I love Thanksgiving food...it is my favorite! That afternoon, we all went out on the lake in the boat just to look at all of the huge houses...some of them are just ridiculous. I put up a picture of the lakehouse for the Baird family; it was huge but believe it or not, it was small compared to the biggest house on the lake. I can only dream of having enough money someday to have a weekend lake house much less a mansion!

I watched both the Cowboys and the Longhorns win their games which was great. It is very difficult to watch the game when most of your family is made up of Aggies BUT thank goodness, we pulled through. I was scared for a little while and was trying my hardest not to get really pissed off. If I had been watching the game at home, I can assure you that there would have been a lot more yelling..and maybe even a change of the channel for a bit. Talk about a near heart attack.

Friday, the girls went into town to shop for a little while and to get lunch since we were tired of leftovers after eating the same food for lunch and dinner on Thanksgiving. Once we got back, all of the cousins had our usual Spades Tournament...my sister and Hayley beat us for one game but as usual, Brittny and I dominated the rest of the time. Friday night, it is our tradition to go out to eat Mexican food so we ventured out to eat dinner as usual and it was so good. I think I might have eaten enough calories over the weekend to account for the next three weeks easily. After dinner, we all sat around the firepit telling stories and talking...one of my favorite things that we do when we all get together.

Saturday morning, we left to drive back home. I had a great time with all of my family and wish we got together with my aunt, uncle and cousins more often than just Thanksgiving, vacation in Destin and the Cancer Crusade. We always laugh so much when we are all together....despite a few arguments along the way. :)

BE STILL AND KNOW...

Nathan and I have been going to a Methodist church in Southlake which is the same church that his parents attend as well. This morning, we met his parents at the service and had plans to go to lunch afterwards. I really love the pastor at this church and thought the sermon today was just so appropriate for the week of Thanksgiving. It focused on Psalm 46:10 which is one of my favorite verses in the Bible: "Be still and know that I am God..."

So many times, I get too distracted or too busy to focus on the blessings that God has given me...yes, I can say that I am better about giving thanks than I once was--having cancer will do that to you. But, I will ber the first to admit that I could be a lot better. Psalm 46:10 just gives it to you straight...we should all be silent for a moment and know that God is in control, that He loves us every second of everyday, and that He is always there. Of course, we know that Thanksgiving is a time where we take the time to say thank you for our blessings--our family, our friends, the roof over our heads, etc but we should say thank you to God first since He is the one who provides it all to us.

This time of year, I always try to give a brief list of what I am the most thankful for...and while the list could go on and on, I am only going to put the top 10 down:

1. My Christian faith - I am so secure in where I am going after this life that it makes each day more bearable even when times are tough

2. My family - I cannot stress enough how thankful I am to have a fun, loving, and supportive family who is always there.

3. My friends - I could easily consider them my "second family"...each one of you loves me despite my faults and you hold me up when I am down. Thank you.

4. Nathan - He is one of the most amazing men I have ever known. He has taught me more about compassion and patience than anyone else ever could and he makes me happy everyday. I feel so lucky and honored to be with him.

5. Being cancer free and healthy. Is there anything else to say here? :)

6. Cancer Crusade - It is a great feeling to be able to give back to a cause so dear to my heart. I could not do this alone by any means so I am thankful for each person who has helped along the way and who will help us in the future. A special thanks to my fellow co-chairs Nancy and Mary Katherine.

7. My job - Even though there are days when the last thing I want to do is work, I am truly thankful to have a good job, especially in these economic times. I am also thankful for the financial stability my job brings me as well as the flexibility in my schedule when needed.

8. St. Jude Children's Research Hospital - I will always have a special place in my heart for the patients and the staff. I met some awesome people there who have forever touched my life...some who have become friends for life and some who are no longer in this world who will always be in my thoughts. I could not have made it through my cancer battle if I had not worked at this place during the toughest time of my life...the kids there gave me a strength I never knew I had.

9. Prayers - the only thing I can say here is that without prayers, I would not be here today---and I would not be able to find the solace that each day can bring.

10. Cancer. Yes, that's right, I am thankful for cancer. It made me the person I am today, it brought me closer to God, it introduced me to people I would have never met, it made me appreciate my friends and family more, it made me find a passion for a cure and helping others going through the battle, and it made me stronger. I don't want to go back to the low spots but I will always be grateful for going through them and coming out better on the other side.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope you all take the time to count the blessings, to say thanks, and of course, hold off on the diets until after the holiday season! :)

The group at Salt Lick

Nathan and me at The Salt Lick

Tracy, Kate, Kristin, KJ, and me on the front porch of our B&B

The Godzillatron showing the Longhorn players entering the field

The giant Texas state flag

The view from our seats

WEEKEND IN AUSTIN WITH FRIENDS

On Friday afternoon, Nathan and I drove south on I-35 to one of my favorite cities in the world---Austin, TX. My college girlfriends and I always take at least one weekend trip a year together and back in May, we made the decision to invite the guys along with us for a trip to see how it would go. The guys all know each other and hang out when we all get together for weddings, parties, football games, etc but our group had not taken a weekend trip together before. We knew it would change the dynamic somewhat since we couldn't talk about girl stuff and college stories nonstop like we normally do when we are all together, but I have to say that it was nice to have the guys there this time. I love being able to be around my friends and know that our guys realize how much fun we have with each other. :)

We rented out all five of the rooms at the Hyde Park Bed and Breakfast so the house was all ours for the full weekend which was really nice. The place was a complete renovated old house in the Hyde Park neighborhood of Austin and the detail of the renovations was impressive. The best part about staying there was the breakfast hands down. A professional chef cooked an amazing breakfast each morning. Saturday morning breakfast was french toast with blueberries and cream, a breakfast strata, fresh fruit with cream and some of the best coffee I have ever had; Sunday morning was a Spanish breakfast casserole with eggs and potatoes, blueberry crepes, fresh fruit and coffee. It was soooo good...my favorite was the homemade french toast. I would recommend staying there if you like B&B's or if you have a group the size of ours to rent out the whole house...it was a great place!

Friday night, we went to Hula Hut which is one of my favorite Austin restaurants...great food and great atmosphere. We all went back to the house to hang out for a little before calling it a night. Saturday morning, we got up to get ready for the 11AM kickoff of the UT game and despite the horrible traffic getting to the game, it was a great day overall....we had sunny weather, a UT victory and good friends. After the game, we headed to Texadelphia off campus to get some chips and queso as a snack...Kristin can't get queso in California so we had to fulfill her cravings. :) After a couple of hours of rest, we set off for The Salt Lick...one of my favorite BBQ places ever. BUT, I was disappointed in the quality of the food. :( I had not been there since I graduated college in 2002 and at that time, it was amazing. This time, I noticed they had expanded the place and I think that they may be trying to serve to too many people at once. Of course, I will go back there and I'm hoping that they will be back up to their old standards. I still ate plenty of food and enjoyed it...they have the best sauce! Our friend Disney and her husband Brandon were able to meet up with us too. :) I'm waiting on pictures from the rest of ther girls so that I can post pics of all of us together.

This morning, it was time to say goodbye which is always a bittersweet...I'm ready to sleep in my own bed but I miss being able to see my friends. Thank you guys for a fun weekend!!! I love that we all make a point to stay in touch, that we can still laugh about the same college stories even though we have heard them a thousand times, that each one of us is a diehard Longhorn football fan, and most importantly, that despite being older, we are all still the same. Can't wait for the next trip!

Sadie Zipser and me aka "the surgeon"
KJ's party

Kate with the bump, KJ as Swine Flu and me

KJ and Nathan

Norman as a police dog

HALLOWEEN 2009

Last night, I went by Sarah and Mike's house to take them dinner that Nathan cooked for them...very sweet gesture if I say so myself. Anyway, little Sadie was dressed up like a frog and she was too cute to pass up a picture session. :)

From there, I went to my good friend KJ's house for a Halloween party in honor of her 30th birthday (which is actually today...so happy birthday!). I am not a huge fan of dressing up for Halloween but I had to be a good sport for my friend who I know loves it. I decided to wear scrubs and dress up like a surgeon. Kate, whose first baby is due in February, was very creative and made a shirt with a contruction sign noting a "bump" near her belly. A few other couples dressed as people from Grease, Hippies, Firemen, doctors, Starbucks baristas, Chef Boyardee and Betty Crocker (very cute), and Octo-mom. haha. KJ was Swine Flu which was very creative too. Her husband Nathan was wearing one of those suits that the cleaners wear--I cannot for the life of me think of what they are called. Anyway, it was a fun party of just hanging out, chatting, drinking and watching the Texas vs OK State game. They also had red velvet Sprinkles cupcakes there...so yummy! Overall, I had a really great weekend and next weekend will be a great one too....I'm off to Austin to meet up with my college girlfriends and their husbands!!! Can't wait!

View from our seats..notice the new scoreboard!
Nathan and me

Rob and Celeste

The Stars trying to score

DALLAS STARS GAME

Last night, Nathan and I went to the Dallas Stars game with his sister Celeste and her husband Rob. Two weeks ago, Rob turned 40 and so our present to him was a night out to the game while Nathan's parents babysat for their three kids. We got the tickets from a great friend (who shall remain nameless just to protect him from getting requests) who put us in an awesome section where the view of the game was just about perfect. I can't thank him enough for hooking us up!

I never watch hockey games on tv and I don't know any of the rules so it's hard to follow at times. But, I always have so much fun when I go watch the games in person...the crowd gets into it, I can see things more clearly, and they play a lot of fun music that makes me want to dance (but I refrain from doing anything other than tapping my foot to the beat). All four of us really had a great time last night! Celeste and Rob are so much fun and I'm so glad we were able to hang out with them for the night....and I'm sure they were happy to have a date night out without their cute kids for a change. :)

FRUSTRATING PEOPLE

There is a blog (http://www.mycall2rise.com/) that is frustrating me to no end...I have even commented on this blog to tell the author how disappointed I am in his recent post. This man doesn't seem to want to take a moment to reflect on his own actions, behavior or opinions. I am not going to name any names about the matter in which he speaks but I can only tell you that I do not think it is ever justifiable to judge someone's religious beliefs or how their actions may reflect on their beliefs. I will admit that I have been guilty of being judgmental in the past and I'm sure I will make the same mistake again as I am far from perfect. But if experiences and past history teach us anything, it is that we should all grow and learn from our mistakes...and one big lesson for me has been that it is not my place to assume I know what is "Christian-like" behavior and what isn't. Sure, there are things that seem pretty obviously un-Christian like such as murder, adultery, etc. But still, at the end of the day, only God is the judge, right? All we can do is encourage one another, pray for each other, and hope that we all learn the lessons that the Bible tries to teach us. Everyday, this is a prayer I have for myself. I know that not all of you know the situation behind this man, his blog and why I am so frustrated but we can all relate to people who feel it is their right to judge others....this person just chose to state it all in a public forum for the world to see. And that makes me sad.